That she grew up to be God's Woman of Revelation is the most astonishing thing to me, and to all who knew her. She was shy and unassuming, never wanting to be in the spotlight. I wanted her to take acting lessons and to do some of the things I had done on the stage, but she shied away, preferring instead to read; and read she did. Every Saturday she questioned whether she could go to the bookstore to buy one more comic, or one more book. Nancy Drew was her favorite, and she had volumes. She loved the detective stories.
She never once disobeyed a command, except when she was sixteen and wanted to see a movie that I didn't approve of. I still remember the shock as I watched her express her displeasure for the first time. I will never forget that moment, and I don't think she will either. I saw the surprise on her face as she recognized that she had a voice, and could express her opinions. I don't recall ever punishing her, but she recalls once. She still tells the story of my trepidation as I mulled over the best and most effective methodology. I chose a small swizzle stick and gave her a few lashes on the thigh. She didn't even cry, though I was close to tears, and wondered what effect this might produce.
I see her now, a seasoned, stellar lawyer, and know that heaven's gates are opened wide, in part because of her. She bids us join her on her treasure hunt, and emptied all her treasure in the quest. I know that I could never have betrayed her, but they made her believe that's what I did. I listened as they crafted each new lie, and watched her crucify the right to cry. My daughter, how I love your kindred spirit. You too would never ever have betrayed. I love the way you fought to keep me safe, despite their ever widening tales of woe. Who would have thought a daughter would protect a mother whom they labeled derelict. Derelict in mind, but not in any action. Derelict in thought, but not in any deed. Derelict and worthy of their mental care, though care was not indeed their true intent.
I love you more than words can ever say. I love you more than stars could ever be. I love you more than all the universes. I love you more than sands in every sea. When the Lord our God returns to join us shortly, I know he'll say he needs you to himself. I wonder at the things I'll have to tell him, to let him know I need one part of you. Betray me if you need to, I'll survive, but never ever tell me you don't care. Forever and forever I will love you. Forever and forever I will care. Forever and forever means forever, so plan to be eternally right here.
And when the days of sadness are all gone, forever must begin again anew. For if eternity should ever falter, forever is the second closest friend. And if per chance you need another mother, I'll gladly set eternity aside, so count me as your ever giving mother, the one who effortlessly will be a friend. And count me as your ever giving friend, the one who never ever will betray. And count me as one loyal to the end, though end is never something we will see.
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